Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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