I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
