you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
