My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
