just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
