$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
