I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize