Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
