What tipped you off? The sombrero?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
