Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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