Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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