"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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