Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize