So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
