Do you still have your period?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
