There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
