I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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