It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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