i jhust puked up my retainher.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
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