So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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