Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
