We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
