it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
