Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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