Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
