youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
