Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
