And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize