I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
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