I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
