white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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