32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
