I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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