you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
