you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
