One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
