i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
