nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
They took my balls.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize