I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
