Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
