I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
