i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
