So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
