he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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