There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
