I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
