I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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