My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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