I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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