there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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