Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I will be naked everywhere
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize