is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
