I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
