How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Last time i carry you out of a forest
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize