Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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