the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
