Where is the hickey?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
