I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
