So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
