i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Randomize
