you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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