guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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