Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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