dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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