omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
