Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
