Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Randomize
