I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
